Fanboys? A quick word please.

Ok, I know this is old(ish) news, but still, it's something to write about. I meant to write about it when it was current, but never got around to it.

So, about a month ago Capcom, maker of great games like Dead Rising and the Mega Man series, announced that Devil May Cry 4, the next in their high-selling franchise of hack-and-slash games, will be going cross-console for the first time ever. Formerly a PS# exclusive, DMC4 will now be seen on the XBox 360.

Despite the face that previous version of DMC also appeared on the PC, the reaction to the news from "Capcom-Loyalists" went as followed.

*Ahem*




WAHHHH!?!?!??!!!! OMGWTFBBQHULKSTER!!!!!




They pissed their pants. And holy fuck is that funny. You see, the "Capcom-Loyalists" are in fact "Sony-Loyalists." These are the people who spent upwards of $600, American, on a PS3. They just want to feel like they made the right desecion. They want games that they can hold and point to everyone who was spart enough to keep their money and say, "See! Look at it! I get it and you don't! Weee!" Then they'll masturbate onto the instruction booklet.

They went so far as to make an actual online petition over it.

While this is a laughable movement, some online petitions have actually helped bring steam to certain fan-movments, like bringing back "Family Guy" after Fox cancelled it. This is the current message of the petition;

"To: Capcom
We (The people that have signed this petition) feel very left out in your decision to make Devil May Cry 4 a Multi-Platform title, and hereby agree to boycott your sale of Capcom affiliated games. This is due to your decision to turn your back on your most faithful gaming company. For years we have enjoyed games, we have reaped the benefits of your committment to Sony. We find it absolutely demoralizing for not only the gamers, but also Sony itself. We want you to know that will not, and should not stand for your actions, and therefore withold our option of buying your product.

Sincerely,

The Undersigned"

The petition currently has 11,875 signatures.

I was, at first, disheartened by this. I was saddened by the fact that so many people would whine and bitch this much over what, in reality, is a very good business decision. Then I looked at the signatures. You see, the great thing about the online petitions are the comments left by each person signing it. So, there were a few examples like this one, made by a young man named Adrian.

"I dont support this move, Capcom. Do not get greedy with money, the cash does not make you create kick but games. Kick but games are what matter and you do not need lots of money for that purpose. Start up companys will make great games becuase they are dedicated to makeing great games. Thank you, Adrian."

Due to my incredible abilities with Google, I managed to find a picture of this young man:



Moron. Serously. Yeah, great games take passion and creativity. But a massive Japanese game company that employs thousands of people takes cash. You know, to pay everyone making the game. The artists, programmers, directors, writers, all that. And they would like the game to sell a lot. You see, if it doesn't they don't get paid as much.

But, for every one drop in logic, there are ten examples of jackassery. Which in this case I fully endorse. Like this one,

"Everyone here likes cock, except me."

-Or-

"Seriously They Should Pay for All Their Crimes Against the Black Communities"


Everyone who legitmately posted their signatures on this petition deserves to be poked, at random, with a stick, though not in a violent manner. Just, you know, a couple times a day, tapping their shoulder to see if they turn around, or poking it in their nose as they slept, or pooped. Fanboy morons. XBox, Sony or whoever, you all make zombie Jesus cry.

An Awkardly Open Post

Alright, so far I've written in character, as it were, with hints of truth. After the day that I had today, I've decided, for at least one post, to let that down. This post is all me and it is probably more open and honest that I've been with most people. Ever.

I've been in therapy for a couple of months, about the duration of the current school year. I've been doing this through the school after I decided that, simply put, I needed to. The exact reasons why involves things I will probably never mention here.

Usually, the schools lets you see one of their psychologists for about 6 weeks, ish, before reccomending a shrink outside of the school. This is completely understandable, since they don't want the department to get clogged and allow for everyone to get the help they need. However, the psychologist or psychatrist or whatever I saw was actually an extern working twoards his doctorate. Because of this, he was allowed to see me for the duration of the recent school year. As it has come to a close, he brought up the possibility of continuining our sessions together, something I wanted to happen since I trust him and I know he can help me. This would instead take place at his school, instead of mine, since his externship will be ending. This would cost me some money, but I was fine with that. He just had to run it by my school to make sure that everything was fine, which, at the time, was a bit rediclious, since it was my desecion anyway.

They said no.

My school, said no. They did not want to create a situation where someone would be able to continue seeing the same individual after their normal time in the school's program was done. Even if the person in question wasn't even in their program anymore. They went so far as to talk to his school to make sure it would not happen.

My school, which my family and I pay for so I can get an education, said no. They would rather keep from causing themselves a problem further down the line than allowing me to do what I think is best for me.

They did not consult me, they did not ask me, they did not want to.

To them, I am a peice of paper. A file and a check. Nothing more.

They made the desecion based on what would be best for them. Not my well being. Theirs.

They, nor anyone else have no business whatsoever in making this desecion. It is my descion. Mine and only mine.

I am disgusted, offened, enraged and a whole lot of other words over this. It is a very hard thing to put into words.

There is a very big part of me that simply wants to leave my school entirely right now.

Now, I'm sure the arugment of, "the school is a business, too," could come into play. But it means shit. Literally, shit. I am not a business. I am not part of a business.

I have been slapped in the face. And goddamn am I going to kick and scream about it.

People I Could Probably Take In A Fight

I know my last posts have been angry in nature, but screw you. My blog, my posts.

People Who I Think I Can Take in a Fight and Want to Actually Fight -

The Elderly - All at once.

People who wear "Don't Piss Me Off - I'm Running Out of Places to Hide the Bodies" t-shirts.

Brian Doyle Murray

Famous Amos

The Guys who Wrote - "The Macerna" - orignal and remix

Whoever Cancelled "Firefly"

Whoever Cancelled "Angel"

The Grimace

Madonna

Jamie Kennedy



People Who I Could Take in a Fight and Want to for Sport and Competition

Harold Ramis

Morbidly Obese Men - Non-Russian

Kal Penn

Nick Frost

Dana Snyder

Dana Carvey


People I Just Know I Could Take in a Fight, But Have no Current Reason To


Ryan Seacrest

Shaq - Dance Fight only

Kevin Federline - Dance Fight only

Cheif Wahoo McDaniel

My Girlfriend



Mini-Rant 5000!

Why the fuck do women with stollers need t constantly move them back and forth when they're just standing still? Is it like "Speed" where the kid will explode if they stop moving? Or is the stoller just empty and you just like making people trip and fall worrying they're gonna fall on top of a baby?

Assholes.

Why I Hate Old People: An Essay

The old saying of "Respect your Elders," is, in my opnion, dumb as hell. Why? I'll tell you why.

Firstly, the elderly are the most annoying group of people that at least I have to deal with on a daily basis. Going to school, going to work, going to the grocery store, I have to deal with them.

Example - The Grocery Store

What's that? You can't reach the cat food cans, so you need to use a stick that you hit people with "accidentally"? Oh, don't worry, I'm fine with moving three steps a minute because I can't get around you and your cart, which you BROUGHT FROM HOME. Go ahead, find the coup you need in your coupon purse. I think it's behind the ones that expired three years ago. No, I'm not inconvienced, it's not like you can't order groceris online. Oh, you don't know what that even means, do you? That's so cute.

Example 2 - The Bus

Oh, hi every old lady ever. It's nice to see you taking up every seat ever because you're too fragile to stand. Don't worry, the driver will extend the platform so you don't have to walk down three stairs carrying your oxygen tank. It's not you're old, rich and alone and can't afford to take a cab. I'm sure you're supporting other people and need to take the bus for economic reasons.


Now, with these two examples, I wanted to give everyone a little insight as to why I hate old people. Let me break it down into a few bullet points for the people who didn't understand it the first time.

-If you're too fragile to stand on the bus as it moves, don't take the bus. That should be a test to get on the bus in the first place. Exceptions made for those who have a legitimate reason for not being able to stand. Except for fatties.

-Just because you're old, that doesn't mean you get to let yourself go around uneducated. Get a computer, hire someone to teach you how to use it. It's a TV with a typewriter.

-Get out of my way, old people. That one's simple.


Listen, it breaks down like this. I'll respect my elders when they respect everyone else. Just because you've managed to last this long, doesn't mean you get to be an asshole to everyone. I'll give you my seat on the bus, if you ask poleitly like an actual human. If you decide that the proper way to ask is to stand there and look at me all angry and wrinkly. And for God's sake, politics is more than social security. Don't be so fucking selfish.

Let's face it folks, old people are slow, willfully ignorant and most of them are racist a lil bit. Old people, this is your last warning, shape up, or ship out. To Florida.

A....post?

Yes, I'm posting, yes, I'm back. Yes, its been weeks. Deal with withdrawls on your own time, suckas.

For now, I would like to bring you something I liked writing very mcuh. A real, live, paper, for a class of mine. Read it and feel my excelent grammar and punctuation skills! It's on social networks and the use of the internet as a personality device.




For this experiment on social experiments, I chose to explore LinkedIn and Facebook, both of which serve completely different purposes and have major differences. The first, and perhaps most important difference, is that LinkedIn shouldn’t even be considered a social networking site at all.
The first thing to note about LinkedIn is that it does not seem to be marketed or designed for the youth audience. That’s not to say the interface and design is not easy and enjoyable, but it is obviously not meant for the MySpace crowd that most social sites tend to aim for. There is no customization, no pictures or songs or custom backgrounds and interfaces. LinkedIn is not a social networking site, it is a networking site. Though it promotes itself as a way to connect with others and find old friends, its main purpose is to connect people with possible employers. At its core, LinkedIn is a more focused, business driven version of CraigsList, but with those mild social benefits.
This gives LinkedIn a few distinct advantages and disadvantages when compared to other networking sites. The fact that it does not attract a younger audience is one such advantage. By allowing to focus itself on adults, LinkedIn is able to focus on the aspect that is its biggest advantage, its job search function. However, it is also a disadvantage for LinkedIn, as without the enormous younger crowd, LinkedIn itself will never be as big as other social networks. Though personally, I believe the advantages far outweigh the disadvantages.
Facebook is a network that I, and thousands of others, are intimately familiar with. A new right of passage for new college students is to go onto Facebook the second they receive the acceptance letters and find all their new friends. This was Facebook’s original intention, to be a place for new students to meet each other before they actually meet each other. It wasn’t until only a few months ago when Facebook expanded itself to allow high school students and businesses to join their network.
Facebook, while similar to sites like MySpace or Friendster, uses a single layout for all user sites, keeping it more streamlined and easy to use than other networking sites with a strictly social agenda. Though it helps people connect with new friends, through things like groups and linked interests, it does not seem to encourage outward exploration to meet new people in the same way as MySpace, for example. These features keep Facebook from being as all encompassing as a site like MySpace, but is far more targeted to a younger generation when compared to sites like Ryze or LinkedIn.
With a site like LinkedIn, there is more of a focus on business than actual social interaction. It’s more like exchanging virtual business cards than finding someone to hang out with next weekend. With Facebook, there is the social emphasis, but it can be hard to tell if a person is really a friend even if Facebook says differently. There’s even the term “Facebook Friends,” for people who are merely friends on Facebook and don’t really know each other otherwise. This makes Facebook an excellent example of what the digital age is all about, impersonal personality. There is no networking site that guarantees a true relationship with the people who you become friends with online. There will never be a place online that truly guarantees a relationship with those you meet online. But maybe that’s the best part of it all.

My Drink Chart.

Welcome back, fearful readers.

I’m sure you’re all wondering, “Where’ve you been, or great master of wordy words and truthful truths?” I’ve been home, enjoying an early birfday, thank you very much. Now shut you pie hole. You know, the hole. The one where you put pie. Shut it.

Anyway, back to the matter at hand. Now, I know I left you all in a shroud of delicious mystery last time, as I refused to elaborate on the elaborate snack and drink system of the nerd. Well, after waiting so patiently on pins and needles for so long, I’ve decided to give you all a treat and tell you about it.

DRINKS & SNACKS

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. Drinks and snacks are a complicated item in the realm of the nerd. Math is involved. Though I do warn you of the system that ensues, I worry that it will bring up a bit of controversy. You see, nerds are built with this system of snacks and drinks in their minds from birth. It’s true. Ask a doctor. We know exactly what we need to eat or drink, when we need it, based on temperature, situation, current events, historical accuracy, et cetera. To simplify this system for the common man and woman took me quite a bit of time and effort and seeing it in writing might confuse and upset some nerds when and if they see this. But no matter. This is for the benefit of the everyman, not the nerd.

Firstly, the drink calculator.


The Formula:

(Hour of the day) – (Hours you’ve been awake) = Drink

For example, if it’s 5pm and you’ve been awake for, let’s say, 10 hours, you’ll get the drink in the -5 slot, which shall be revealed later. Simple isn’t it?

Now, nine times out of ten, you’ll be getting a negative number, unless you’ve just woken up, but don’t worry, that’s normal, especially later on in the day. And second, don’t use military time here people. 1-12, am or pm and that is it.

If you score between 12 and 6 your drink is…..

COFFEE



An obvious choice. Coffee is nice and hot and delicious with the right amount of foamy stuff and caramel. With caffeine and probably lots of sugar, coffee helps you get your ass up, which you need if you’re just waking up or hitting a lull in the middle of the day.


If you score between 5 and 0 your drink is…..

SPORTS DRINK/KOOL-AID/FRUITY WATER



Now, a score between 5 and absolute 0 probably means you’re starting your day, or hitting the early evening. For this time of day, you need something refreshing, enjoyable, cold and crisp. Fruit flavored drinks are perfect for this category. The best part is the options I’m offering you bitches. Flavor and type can vary to personal taste, though keep it under 20oz.


If you score between -1 and -7 your drink is….

SODA



Colder, cooler and meaner than a sports drink, packed with caffeine and sugar, a can, bottle or cup of soda is perfect for the post-lunch and evening doldrums. The sugar gives you a sudden charge and the caffeine in a regular soda keeps that kicks going. Though be careful with relying on it to get you though the day. If a can of soda is what you’re hoping will get you through the day, you’re gonna have a caffeine crash in no time. Supplement this with a small snack that has a lot of protein or fiber for energy or a bottle of water.


If you score between -8 and -24 your drink is…..

BAWLS



Nerd holy water. Packed with more caffeine than the coffee and soda, Bawls is the necessary tool for late nights or long drives of studying and term paper writing or just an all-nighter of Dead Rising. Bawls can and will keep you going but heed my warning. Take Bawls in small doses and certainly not everyday. You don’t want your body getting used to that much caffeine coming at you all the time, so drinking Bawls for a week straight and then stopping with leave you tired and groggy for a long ass time. When you do drink it, stretch it out, sip, not guzzle, make the bottle last and hour if not more.


There’s your delicious liquid enjoyment, all in a nice, neat little package. “But wait!” you cry, “What about snacks?! I need my snacks!” Shut up. They’re coming and you’ll know what to do by the end of this week. In the mean time, don’t live your life word for word by what I say. These are suggestions and mainly for entertainment, so that means you can’t sue if you o.d. on Mountain Dew. And seriously, be healthy about it, drink water or fresh fruit juice.

Take care of yourselves, you salivating masses.


Semper pi.

My Nerd Diet.

For the first "offical" post I decided to start with something everyone needs. Something vital. Food.

I'm sure you're already thinking to yourself, "Food? But how can what we eat be considered nerdy or not nerdy? Tell us please!" Hold on now, kids. Daddy doesn't like to be rushed. You'll know what you need to know when you need to know it. God, impatient bastards.

Anyway, nerd food can be broken down to several different categories, based on time of day and need.To keep things as simple as possible, we'll just go through a standard day.


BREAKFAST

What many call the most important meal of the day, breakfast sets the tone for the rest of the day, so you better eat right. The nerd choice is simple and obvious. cereal and milk. Delecious. A perfect combonation of the two will give you the energy and deleciousness you need to get through your day.

But what cereal should you eat? Such is a question that has plauged mankind for all of mankind. The answer, dear readers, is simple.



This man is your answer. Whether with peanut butter or some kind of twisted berry type thingy, you can do no wrong with the Cap'n. And don't you dare spell it any other way.


LUNCH

Now, to me, lunch is just as important as breakfast ever could be. Lunch is giving you the energy that you need to get through work, class, or naptime. For a lot of people, myself included, lunch is the biggest meal for those very reasons.

Fortunately, lunch is the meal with the most options as well. Burgers, pasta, more Cap'n Crunch, almost anything is acceptable lunch food. But what is acceptable nerd lunch food?



The sandwich.

Simple, but with so many possibilities. PB&J, tuna, chicken, chicken salad, ham, turkey, my god the possibilities. My pick? Chicken or Turkey Club.


DINNER

The finale of your day, dinner is usually reserved for families and/or friends and/or life partners get together and spend "quality time." Dinner isn't that big of a deal in the eyes of a nerd. It doesn't need to be that big, since you don't need as much energy from your meal, so hold off from a huge feast. But still, relax, indulge, it's the end of the day.

Now, this one, I will let you go on your own with. Dinner is and should be about relaxtion, keep it that way. but I'll still give you my pick, which is, of course, the best of all.



Chicken cesar salad. Made fresh, perferably, complete with fresh parmesan on top. Nothing tops it, children. Delecious, healthy, and delecious.


There is it children, you food for your nerd life. Now, I know what you're thinking, "Mike, wait, about snacks and drinks? We can't go without snacks and drinks!"

Shut up, snacks and drinks are coming. Drinks and snacks are actually far more complicated than your meals. There's gonna be charts. And math. So quiet down. Damn harpies.

Until next time, eat well and level up.

Semper pi.