An Awkardly Open Post

Alright, so far I've written in character, as it were, with hints of truth. After the day that I had today, I've decided, for at least one post, to let that down. This post is all me and it is probably more open and honest that I've been with most people. Ever.

I've been in therapy for a couple of months, about the duration of the current school year. I've been doing this through the school after I decided that, simply put, I needed to. The exact reasons why involves things I will probably never mention here.

Usually, the schools lets you see one of their psychologists for about 6 weeks, ish, before reccomending a shrink outside of the school. This is completely understandable, since they don't want the department to get clogged and allow for everyone to get the help they need. However, the psychologist or psychatrist or whatever I saw was actually an extern working twoards his doctorate. Because of this, he was allowed to see me for the duration of the recent school year. As it has come to a close, he brought up the possibility of continuining our sessions together, something I wanted to happen since I trust him and I know he can help me. This would instead take place at his school, instead of mine, since his externship will be ending. This would cost me some money, but I was fine with that. He just had to run it by my school to make sure that everything was fine, which, at the time, was a bit rediclious, since it was my desecion anyway.

They said no.

My school, said no. They did not want to create a situation where someone would be able to continue seeing the same individual after their normal time in the school's program was done. Even if the person in question wasn't even in their program anymore. They went so far as to talk to his school to make sure it would not happen.

My school, which my family and I pay for so I can get an education, said no. They would rather keep from causing themselves a problem further down the line than allowing me to do what I think is best for me.

They did not consult me, they did not ask me, they did not want to.

To them, I am a peice of paper. A file and a check. Nothing more.

They made the desecion based on what would be best for them. Not my well being. Theirs.

They, nor anyone else have no business whatsoever in making this desecion. It is my descion. Mine and only mine.

I am disgusted, offened, enraged and a whole lot of other words over this. It is a very hard thing to put into words.

There is a very big part of me that simply wants to leave my school entirely right now.

Now, I'm sure the arugment of, "the school is a business, too," could come into play. But it means shit. Literally, shit. I am not a business. I am not part of a business.

I have been slapped in the face. And goddamn am I going to kick and scream about it.